Saturday, January 17, 2009

Umm.. Another cheater post.

I don't really consider this to be a post, because it didn't take much thought. But it is thoughty enough to make it to the front page, so here it is, along with a special credit card for our "Ernie's Flying Pig Service" stockholders.

Rely to Kato:

Kato Said: “I recommend training some of the larger sows for passenger flights…”

As you might have already guessed, we considered passenger service, but the government regulation for transporting passengers became too prohibitive. For instance, the Feds require that passenger service be provided by sows only, because they are much more determined than the boars. When two or more boars get put together they have a tendency to squeal, squabble, and argue. They make very slow progress, and they are easily distracted from the tasks that they are assigned. They like to drink too much fermented swill and they get stinkin’ drunk and mean. They are strong flyers when they are competing against each other, but they sometimes forget where they are supposed to be going, because they are too busy competing against each other, so it wouldn’t be good to have them transporting passengers.

We like to hold the sows back, because the sows are where baby Pigs come from. We like to keep them busy making little freight haulers for us. If you work a sow too hard she becomes tired and unattractive, and her ability to attract a boar is diminished and our business depends on a healthy supply of flying freight piglets.

Then, the passenger compartments have to be much more luxurious than freight containers. Food and water becomes a problem. There has to be sleeping facilities, and a kitchen car, not to mention sewage containment.

There seems to be some kind of a plot to simply hinder everything nowadays, and you don’t have to look far to find that our government is not being very helpful. We applied for some of the bail-out funding, and we were required to submit a business plan explaining what we were doing. They liked our plan, with the flying pigs and all. They like the fact that we weren’t burning diesel. But, they say that California is the worlds fifth largest economy and we should apply to Arnold. Arnold refuses to believe that pigs can fly, and says that we have to prove it before he will fund us. My pig whisperer is working on the “flying problem“ as we like to call it, but so far the pigs have only been able to become airborn for short distances, like from where they are standing to the trough at slop time.

Passenger service is a fine idea, but it’s just not in the cards right now. Plus, I’ve done my part to solve the north coast’s freight problem, and I’m anxious to move on to bringing about world peace.


Rose said...

And another great graphic! very funny, Ernie!

Eel River Ernie said...

A word of caution in regard to bail out funding, "you (may or may not)reap what you sow."

Robin Shelley said...

Okay, everyone... Ernie was gone for one week of the month he said he was going to take off before he made a post. Three days later he made another one. He still has 20 days left in his alleged hiatus. I'd lay odds & take bets that he'll post tomorrow but I'm not the odd betting type... maybe when pigs fly. LOL!
Very funny, Ernie. Love this!

Ernie Branscomb said...

This is not funny stuff! If I don't teach those pigs to fly, they will have to take that redwood tree out of Richardson's Grove, and the breed of environmentalists that we have around here aren’t good negotiators. A real environmentalist would ask for mitigation for the loss of the tree, because they could have almost anything that they asked for. But, the environmentalist that we have around here aren’t really as concerned about the environment as they are about wanting to “stick-it-to-the-man” so to speak. So, instead of getting more trees planted, and others set aside and saved. They just want to stop the highway, and the legal trucks from getting into Humboldt County. It’s sad that when they lose, they get nothing. When they could have gotten almost anything that they would have asked for.

I just hope that I get my pigs flying before they figure it all out!

Ernie Branscomb said...

After talking to my other stock holders, we've decided to let you in. Just send your money to Ernie at Ernie's place, and we will send you your stock certificate. This is the real deal, we ain’t no Ponzi scam! We have real pigs to back up our stock.

If you are not interested in stock, maybe you would like to sponsor a pig. We will have your name painted on the pig’s side for all to see as it flies high over Humboldt County. For a small additional cost we can install a light panel, like a small version of the Good-Year blimp. The panel could even be seen at night. It would be a unique ad scam… I mean scheme.

Anonymous said...

Careful Robin, this is a pig-in-a-poke buy stock from a slick country feller like Ernie and he'll take you to the stockyard to pick it up.

Clary F. Cation said...

I assume that when you are referring to Arnold that you mean Arnold the Second? Arnold the First would of course be Arnold Ziffel of the Green Acres TV show...the first "hammy" Hollywood actor named Arnold. Arnold I would know that pigs can fly.

Kym said...

Ernie, Please tell me this isn't your swine song. You will be posting again sooon?

Bigfoot Express said...

I know what Ernies exact plan for world peace is.
A new source of renewable energy... Flying Pig Wind Power.
This EFPS is a cover project for something much bigger.
A diligent student of 'pig tech' understands that only 1/3 of their methane production is from their liquid and solid 'industry byproducts'. Leaving 2/3 of that methane gas to be utilized to propel the 'Windmill'! It will be an organic source of natural gas to run homestead electricity and charge batteries.
In days to come we will call it Alternative Ernergy.
Indeed Ernie does fit between Einstine and Gandhi.

Bigfoot Express said...

Try this :
Flying Pig Windmill

B.E. said...

try copy and paste

Anonymous said...


The EFP Windmill

Anonymous said...

Ernie makes some good points, too many times instead any anything getting done in this county we argue over the dumbest stuff like naming of bridges or cutting of some trees? What about all the trees that got cut near the mad river bridge south of Mckinleyville, or all the huge redwoods many of witch were bigger than the ones proposed to be cut in richardson grove that got cut up on the hill north of downtown Fortuna. Some guy cut 10 huge redwoods. Its funny how some trees are worth more than others depending on the trends, somehow the redwoods are the most important and the eucalyptuses and pine trees don't mean much. It seems like the only way to get anything done around here is just to get it done and do it quick before anyone can debate them and drag it on into a full blowen argument! too bad cal trans is nice enough to lay out plans for everyone to see and alow people to there meetings, i know most organizations and individuals wouldn't go through that much trouble just to get a project done. Also for as large of a county as this place is we all seem to treat it as a very very small one. What eureka does is its own buisness im not going to tell everyone they need to do this or that in eureka when i live 60 miles away? Nor do i want a bunch of people who probably dont even live in the area telling me how its gotta be so that they can go to bed happy at night. even though they never come here or even live on this land?

Robin Shelley said...

I've said it before & I'll say it again: somebody told me once that the only difference between an environmentalist & a logger is that the environmentalist already has his cabin in the woods.
Don't worry 'bout me, Anonymous. I've been taken before & I'm sure I can be had again.
Ernie, can that lighted pig fly over Mendocino County, too? If so, we need to talk. I'll try not to laugh.

Robin Shelley said...

And about that stock... I'm glad to know you have real pigs to back it up but my main concern is what kinda stock dogs you got?