Robin started this, because she mentioned that the newspaper that she used to work for wrote a piece about “No room at the Inn”. A pun on the fact that the Benbow Inn didn’t allow children under twelve in the dinning room back in the 70's. This is not criticism of the Benbow Inn, but a reminder about manners, and why they are important.
I intend to start on a high note, then descend into the abyss. It isn’t me, because I actually love children. So, what is it about so many children today that can be so darned annoying? Again, I know that it is not me. My child was a perfect child, always was, still is. She is… wow, I was going to tell you her age, I guess not even a father can get away with that. I’ll just say that she is past 30... I’m hoping that her perfection is not just the vision through a father’s eyes. Also, I would like to think that I had a little to do with the fact that she was delightful to be around when she was growing up, but I know full well that she was a good kid because it was her intent to be that way. She always seemed to want to be “good”. So, I know that I was not the great stern father that some like to be, but the father that allowed a naturally good kid to grow up to be the polite well liked person that she is. I only helped her to find the way.
We never tried to eat out when my daughter was an infant. It was just to uncomfortable for us, to know that a child that young can’t be well behaved. When she was about 2 ½ we started taking her out to dinner with us. When my wife and I went out to dinner and took her with us, she tried to be a brat. After just one annoying incident, my wife or I would head to the car with her and we would take turns baby sitting while the other gulped their dinner. She got one firm warning way up front, then, no second chances. After one obnoxious behavior, it was out to the car. After several times of this, she discovered that it was much more fun to be good. If you are wondering what obnoxious behavior is, stop reading now, a parent just knows. It doesn’t even have to extend beyond the table that you are seated. Even if your child’s bad behavior stays within the confines of your table, it ruins the thought of a nice evening out. We always included our daughter in our conversations and made her feel that she was a part of the festive occasion of an evening out. Of course you know that it wasn’t perfect, but it soon became a nice occasion for all of us.
One time we had a family reunion dinner at the Benbow Inn, when the Benbow Inn was owned by Chuck and Patsy Watts, they had a firm rule of “no children under the age of 12 allowed in the dining room”. We had the choice of not going, or taking our daughter with us. She was 8 years old at the time. I went down and talked Chuck about his concerns and told him that we were probably even more concerned about bad dining room manners than he was. He tentatively consented to allow her in the dining room. That evening she was part of the conversation and she was a delightful part of the evening, she kept her voice down she was polite, did not interrupt and she was as good as she always wanted to be, she achieved her own goals. After dinner Chuck wheeled out the desert cart and treated my daughter to anything that she wanted. He said that she was perfectly delightful, and was welcome at the Benbow Inn anytime that she liked. She probably doesn't even remember it, but it was a very proud moment for me to be the father of an eight year old that was allowed in the Benbow Inn.
Just so you don’t think that she was always “perfect”, her teen-age years erased many brownie points.
The Benbow Inn, under the current owners, had a “Lady” that decided to nurse her baby in the dining room. I was not a witness, nor do I even have much knowledge of what happened, but I think that it was politely suggested to her that she should use a blanket or a towel to cover her breast. The lady took great offense, and decided to make a great scene and took issue of the fact that she had a right, by law, to nurse her child anywhere, anytime, and in any manner. She told her friends how insulted that she was. She and her friends staged a “nurse in” where they all nursed their babies in the dinning room. Like I say, I’m not sure what really happened, I always miss the good stuff.
I don’t know about other men, but the sight of a female breast stops my heart for a few beats, then I put it all together that it is just a woman nursing her baby, and I can live through it. It’s cool with me, but I kinda’ prefer that they cover up. It doesn’t take much to be discrete. Then I don’t have to rearrange my mind and put it back into polite conversation mode
.
Whenever I go out to dinner I am cursed with, almost invariably, being seated next to a child. My wife laughs at me, that it just seems to be my luck. Almost always, right after we order, a family will come in at sit next to us. Sometimes it is nice, when the parents have the children under control. Well behaved children are a delight to be around, and they seem to sense that. But, other parents don’t have a clue. The kid will start off with a loud scream, and the parents just ignore it. Then it only gets worse from there. I usually just ask the waiter to doggie box my meal and leave. My sister in law has a theory that some people Inflict their children on you in hopes that you will feel sorry for them, because they have to put up with the bad behavior all the time.
I was on an airplane coming back from Dallas Texas a few years ago, and was I seated right across the isle from a three year old child. A child that got to ride free, because she was seated on her mothers lap. The child started with the loud screams, then she would look around and laugh at all the people staring at her. Then she would scream again. The female flight attendant told the mother, in no uncertain terms, to comfort the child and stop her screaming. She told the mother several more times. The woman explained to the attendant that she could do nothing about it. That that is just the way the child was, and she always did that on airplanes. To my delight the attendant told her that it was very unfortunate that she could do nothing about the child, because she was going to have the pilot land the plane in Denver, and remove them from the plane, and she would never be allowed to fly on Delta again. The woman seemed to understand, the child stopped screaming immediately and only whimpered for a few moments after that. Most of the passengers near me thanked the attendant. It was apparent that the attendant knew more about dealing with bad behavior than the passenger.
I saw a near riot in a Garberville café when a child started screaming and a few diners told the mother to control her kid. It turned into a turf battle, of who had the most rights to be there. The mother lost, but wrote mean letters to the editor for awhile.
I think my favorite place to dine out was the Benbow Barbeque House. They had a very neatly printed sign, in the finest calligraphy. It said: “This establishment is an excellent place to teach your child manners”, then they insisted upon it. Most of the kids that ate there were well behaved.
i remember eating dinner as the most dangerous event in my childhood. the kind of behavior ernie is talking about simply wasn't tolerated. and if i didn't eat all the wierd vegetables and things they put on my plate, there was hell to pay. and to top that off being guilt tripped into worrying about all the starving children in china. of course, when i was real little they would let me make the rounds asking people for money which was the only money i got in those days. i buried my jar full of coins outside my bedroom window because i thought someone would steal it and never found it again. when i retire, i'm going to get a metal detector and dig it up.
ReplyDeleteThank God for busy places like Applebys,Logans,Outback,etc. These places are noisy anyway........and fun for the Whole family!
ReplyDeleteI thoroughly enjoy a family having fun. What I don't enjoy is the two to three year old child that is allowed to scream. It's annoying... even at Applebys. Parents should know better.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree.
ReplyDeleteThe wife and I eat out at least twice a week.
It's been a very long time since i've seen a screaming or unruly child in a restaurant???
May i'm just "numb" in my old age?
ReplyDeleteOr a few beers takes the "edge" off?
"It's been a very long time since i've seen a screaming or unruly child in a restaurant???"
ReplyDeleteCome to Humboldt County, we must be the screaming unrully child capitol of the world. Go in any resaurant, look for me and the sreaming kid will be at the table next to me. Try to duck the flinging food orts.
You've probably "jinxed" me now,Ernie! LOL!
ReplyDeleteI can't remember the last time I heard unruly kids in a restaurant, I just don't go there. I know how to cook good enough for me.
ReplyDeleteOnce in awhile I will stop at a public place but they only allow kids over 21. Sometimes they are a little loud too.
Oregon
I never ate at the Brass Rail as a youngster living in the Garberville/Redway area.
ReplyDeleteAbout thirty years later,my Wife and I have now ate there,several times.
Let me guess...you don't have children.
ReplyDeleteHi Ernie,
ReplyDeleteThanks for the well written letter. I agree.
Shirley
I took my wife out for a well deserved treat last night. We ate dinner at Abruzzi's in Arcata. My good friend Louie Spaggerri, sometimes called “Louie Spaghetti”, once said that it was by far the best Italian Restaurant in Humboldt county.
ReplyDeleteIt was almost hilarious that we were seated next to a table slid together with other tables to make a group setting. In this group were two or three small children. I almost asked to be moved, but the kids looked like they were being good kids, and it appeared that they were about done with their meal. My wife gave me that knowing grin and said “Your curse is already here”. We ordered. I had an Eel River Blonde Ale, and my wife had a Petite Sarah. The children were quietly mewling. When their voices got too loud, as they always will with more than one child at a setting, the parents would shush them. It wasn’t too bad.
They lingered beyond eating their dinner and there were many trips made by all around the dining room. It appeared that something was up. Soon a birthday cake shows up, complete with candles. Thankfully there was no singing.
Our meals was outstanding, I would advise anyone to try Abruzzi’s. We were almost finished with our meal before the birthday group finally left. When they did leave, the din slowly faded away like a train leaving the station…
It was so nice that we ordered a couple of Crème Brule, then sat and soaked up the rest of a wonderful dinner.
What the hell is a Cre'me Brule?
ReplyDeleteOregon
Never mind Ernie, I looked it up and found out it is information I don't need.
ReplyDeleteOregon
I like Prime Rib also!
ReplyDeleteThe Wife and I are off to Lake Almanor for a couple of days. Catch ya later!!!
Ross,I worked next to that lake for 3 years.
ReplyDeleteOregon
I have a certain set of relatives whose children turn into opera-singing chimpanzees any time they go out to eat. I've had the pleasure of this experience exactly twice & Hell will freeze over before it happens again. Once was at Benbow where the waiter actually closed the dining room doors against our din. The second time was at a more family oriented establishment where I did little to ingratiate myself to the relatives by blurting out, "Oh, God, no!" when the waitress asked if "these" were my grandchildren. You just can't take me anywhere!
ReplyDeleteIt's funny the things that you notice. There was a young couple in the store today, and they had a small child. Most likely under two. The man was packing the kid around to keep his fingers off every thing. The kid started getting loud and the father told him to stop it or they would have to leave. The kid kept it up, and true to his word, the father took him outside. Then he explained things to him. They came back inside, the kid was quiet for quite a while, then he started making noise again. The father took the child back outside and stayed there this time.
ReplyDeleteI went outside and told the father that the child was really not a problem in the store, but I truly appreciated the fact that he was training the child manners, and he would someday get paid back many, many fold, because once a child is trained you don’t have to keep harping at them all the time. He told me that the kid knows that he is not supposed to be loud and that “he gets it”. He seemed to appreciate the fact that I noticed.
On the flip flop, yesterday there was couple that brought two kids in that grabbed everything that they could reach and was packing it around the store and damaging things. Two us had to follow them around and put everything that they wanted to play with above their reach. Strangely those kind of people linger forever, they think of us as free babysitters and they simply take a break. Maybe if I got a few of those doggie travel boxes and locked them inside the parents would get a clue.
Almost everybody who has raised a child has at least some patience & understanding for those who are still engaged in the process. Heck, I've been known to smile wistfully at young mothers trying to rein in & teach their toddlers in the grocery store! The problems come with parents who don't parent. Children who are old enough to know better & don't, have parents who don't know any better, either. It's a disservice to the children &, eventually, to society & other diners as well.
ReplyDeleteI say there is not enough wood sheds any more.
ReplyDeleteOregon
Back in the day of the newspaper article about Benbow to which you refer, Ernie, children were not allowed to stay at Benbow Inn. I know a woman who still won't go there because, she maintains, if it's not good enough for her children, it's not good enough for her. She considers it snobbery bordering on discrimination & not at all what she wanted to teach her children who, incidentally, are very well mannered adults now.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure that it was a tough call for the Benbow Inn to ban children, but I do know for a fact that many people stayed there mostly because there were no children allowed.
ReplyDeleteIt was very peaceful, I don't think that it work nowadays. It was a diferent time.
From KSEE News
ReplyDeleteThere's a growing trend of businesses going "kids-free."
Cap's On the Water restaurant in St. Augustine, Florida allows children, but only in certain parts of the restaurant.
"You want to have a nice bottle of wine and dinner. I think you should be able to do that without children crying and running in and out," Cap's owner Vivian de Raad says.
Three years ago Cap's on the Water became a pioneer in what is becoming a popular national trend.
"We're restaurateurs, we're not babysitters," says owner Bernard de Raad."
Kids are allowed and welcome in the restaurant, just not in the dining room.
They've had some upset customers.
Bernard De Raad says he understands some of the comments he's heard.
"I think as a young parent, it's hard not to feel insulted. It's got to feel personal. You're kids not welcome in our dining area, who are you, I'm spending money here," he says.
But overall, he says, business has been up.
Caps is not alone.
There are a number of restaurants, movie theaters, hotels, and even some airlines that are limiting access for children.
By Michael Inbar
ReplyDeleteTODAY.com contributor
On an airplane, in a movie theater or in a restaurant, the shrill sound of a childish voice raised in distress can resemble nails across a blackboard — especially when it’s not your child. Now one North Carolina eatery has drawn a line in the sand by posting signs prohibiting children’s uproar.
“Screaming Children Will NOT Be Tolerated!” say placards posted at the Olde Salty restaurant in Carolina Beach. N.C. And while the signs may seem to be telling some parents their patronage is unwelcome, restaurant owner Brenda Armes said it’s actually been a business boon.
The Olde Salty restaurant in North Carolina has stirred passions with this message to patrons who are parents. “It has been a good thing for us,” Armes told NBC affiliate WECT. “It has brought in more customers than it has ever kept away.”
Indeed, a first-time diner at the Olde Salty told WECT he embraced the signage. “It’s not very enjoyable when you hear a bunch of kids screaming,” Gary Gibson said. “It’s nice to see a sign like that up.”
From Chron.com
ReplyDeleteA restaurant in Pennsylvania is causing a lot of buzz after its owner sent out an email to customers letting them know kids are no longer welcome in the place.
Mike Vuick, owner of Mc Dain’s sent the email which said children under age six were banned.
“We feel that McDain’s is not a place for young children. Their volume can’t be controlled and many, many times, they have disturbed other customers,” he wrote.
The restaurant is just the latest in a long line of businesses creating child-free places.
A couple weeks ago Malaysia Airlines announced they were banning babies from the first-class area.
Retirement communities that ban residents under the age of 17 have been around for a long time.
Adults are entitled to adult entertainment. Parents should know better than to subject their children to adult or formal situations for which they are not prepared. It's a sad commentary on our society when we have to post signs to that effect.
ReplyDeleteOne of my favorites, though, is: "Unattended children will be given an espresso & a free puppy."
Robin
ReplyDeleteI told the crew at the check stands out front. They love the idea!
Just cooked fresh silver salmon from Juan De Fuca Strait this evening that our neighbor gave to us yesterday. No fancy restaurants and it was free and fresh. No squalling kids or beggin' dogs. Filleted it myself, Amy cooked it. It don't get any better I tell ya.
ReplyDeleteOregon
growing up in the 50's, being the prinicpals son was not much fun. i was supposed to be an example for the other kids so i had to dress up all the time. which didn't sit well with me, my ordinary dress being bare feet jeans with holes in them and a white tee shirt. my mom used to practice whipping on me every night for not eating some weird vegetable so she was tuned up for the kids at her school. she had a large assortment of paddles all of which she tried out on me.
ReplyDeletethe kids were so scared of my mom that they would take off running whenever they saw me. which lasted way into high school. i never got bothered by the kids who got in trouble or the ones who became bikers later in life. in fact, all those bikers showed up at my mom's funeral. lots of respect for that covelo born woman.
of course, it was different when she was a great grandma. she would reserve the banquet room at the local mexican restaurant and all our huge boy great grandchildren would raise bloody hell before the dinner was through. from one extreme to the other. but nobody in the restaurant ever complained. they were all still afraid of my mom. they would just pop in and offer their respects.
Only been up an hour and ready to hit the road, Kids are going on a poker run up around Olympia, I'm the photographer. I bet there will be some youngins' there to boot but since it is the outdoors I bet they will be well behaved.
ReplyDeleteOregon
I went to elementary school at the tailend of the era where it was still okay for teachers & principals to hit kids. I can't say as I ever received such punishment from those people but I saw them hit other kids. Teachers generally used their hands & the principal used the "board of education". My fifth grade teacher was a little crazy & used to throw pencils, chalk, erasers & books at us & tie boys in their seats with those yellow jumpropes. She screamed & cried a lot, too. What a waste of a school year she was!
ReplyDeleteI have very fond memories of & deep respect for many of my teachers & definitely my high school principal but I have no respect whatsoever for those "authority figures" who used fear & intimidation or who hit children with boards as a method of "discipline".
I agree with Robin, you shouldn't have to hit a kid. A parent should be smart enough to out-smart them. I always enjoyed using child psychology. When my daughter was about three years old, I was getting very bald. She asked me one night at the dinner table what happened to my hair. I told her, very matter-of-factly, that when I was a kid I didn’t eat my vegetables, and when I grew up my hair fell out. She had nice thick, very pretty hair, and got lots of compliments on it. Needless to say she ate all of her vegetables after that, even the stuff she hated. She didn’t want anything to happen to her hair. That’s the fun thing about kids, they don’t put it together that not eating vegetables and hair falling out are both true things, but separate occurrences. Plus, it was fun knowing that I was smarter than a three-year-old. It saved a lot of scolding.
ReplyDeleteAfter she grew up, one day, she figured out that I had “lied” to her. I remember her laughing about it. She told me that I had scared her to death, and she ate every vegetable that had been put on her plate after that.
"you won't believe this"
ReplyDeleteBefore the Wife and I headed up the hill towards Almanor,We stopped in Chico for Breakfast.
There was a yelling/screaming little boy in the resturant. The folks finally had to take him outside.
So Ernie,you did "jinx" me. LOL!
Oregon,yes,I knew you worked at Collins Pine.
It's all "common sense". If your child is being a "pain" ??? Take him/her away from the establishment. Duh!!!
ReplyDeleteI'm not around small kids much so I guess my pet peeve is barking dogs.
ReplyDeleteYesterday we went to a poker run, dirt bikes, and I got some great pictures of little kids, boys and girls riding their dirt bikes. I love that stuff, like going to rodeos and seeing the little ones with their horses and roping the dummies behind the chutes.
Oregon
Ross, The photographer Ray
ReplyDeleteCrowell died at the salt flats this month. Ray was from Eureka and went to the flats every year in that old bus with the crows nest on top.
Did you remember him?
It seems to ring a bell??
ReplyDeleteIts been quite a few years since i've been on the "salt".
Thanks for remembering that i spent some time there!
Yep! August is the month for "Speed Week".
And do I know Charlie Two Crows???
http://i1177.photobucket.com/albums/x342/Jnewly/Bigshot.jpg
ReplyDeleteRoss, I was on a crew from 70-78. Don't think we crossed paths. Ol man linsley and his son switched to carbs. Why didn't you? C2c
ReplyDeleteThe Hilborn injection system set several records with Flyrod 707 !!!
ReplyDeleteI was on the "salT" from about 1977 thu 1987 !!
Big Steaks served at the Hideaway,My wife and I used to split one!!!
BTW,The injection system came from The "Linsley's,I remember that!
ReplyDeleteJim's hilburn had short 90degree horns on the back 4 cyl. That 68 camero of prothro's had 360lbs of lead to hold the front end down. We stayed in the old motel 6 and washed parts in the bath tub. Those were the days.
ReplyDeleteI don't have a clue what c2c and ross are talking about. Most have been after I got old.
ReplyDeleteI do remember Alfred Williams had an early 50's Mercury with a straight 6 and split exhaust manifold, sounded like an airplane going through Ruby Valley:-)
The post at 7:38 this evening was posted by Oregon. I don't know how to make the link blue. It is just a kid on a fancy bike.
ReplyDeleteOregon
The post at 10:37 was made by Oregon.
ReplyDeleteOregon
Oregon,We are talking about amature racing on the Salt Flats near Wendover.I think Ernie mentioned this in an earlier thread,maybe last year?
ReplyDeleteOregons picture
ReplyDeleteRoss' Racer
See, I do visit here when I have the time!
Eighteen pack of Coors Lite and Tri-tip tonight. No Rotten Grandkids around being noisy,but wish they were here!
ReplyDeleteDo YOU! Even know how to cook Tri-Tip???? Or Even where and how it was discovered?????????
ReplyDeletei was at an american legion regional baseball tournament in fairfield where they were serving tritip sandwiches. actually, they did a great job. the texas state champs where there. they didn't know what a tritip was. i had to splain it to them.
ReplyDeleteactually, my own experience with tritip comes from my simmerly cousins who learned how to cook meat back in covelo and near alderpoint.
little mel got into it before papa delbert was on his death bed with cancer. they used to cater tritip with one of those big grills on wheels. but my experience with tritip really began with little mel having a cooler full of bud and then we would tell stories. armand trutman from olema and his relatives would tell all these stories about the old days with uncle delbert and we'd be drinking the beer and the tritip looked like it was getting burnt up real good and flames were shooting out all over the place but little mel would just say it wasn't done yet and someone would tell another story. after drinking maybe a case of bud, i think he said it was done but i didn't remember things too well at that point in the evening. anyways, i think he had a special sauce and he actually poured some bud on there as well. anyhew, by that time it always came out tasting great no matter how long he cooked it or how burnt it looked. we barbequed tritip every night with bud until papa delbert died. rest his soul. they do make some great tritip sandwiches at dunsmore between santa nella and gilroy. they are the best i've found.
Used to shoot Ground Squirrels between Santa Nella and Gilroy,its a Covelo "thing" also!
ReplyDeleteGive me a two year old and an iPad and I'll be comfortable in any restaurant. Times have changed...
ReplyDeleteI figured it out.
ReplyDelete