After the Rapture

Wow, It was true… I’ve been raptured. I went to bed last night, went to sleep, then soon after I went to sleep I got the sensation that I was floating. I already know what you are thinking, you are thinking that this story is going to end with “then I woke up, and it was all a dream.” I promise you that this is, all, a true story.

As I started floating, I floated up through the wonderful home that my wife and I had built with our own hands. I thought about my daughter that once lived in the bedroom at the end of the hall. I thought about my mother that lives in her cozy little nest downstairs. I thought about the grandkids and I wondered where they were. I thought about my dog. I looked around and I was the only one floating in the air.

I looked down at the beautiful little valley that I live in, as it slowly sunk away. I could see the dew on the fresh spring grasses. I could see a doe with a fawn. It went through my mind that it was the first fawn that I had seen this spring. I could see a couple of yearlings and a buck with no horns. He was eating the fresh young buds and fattening himself for the coming rutting season. I thought about the fact that I hadn’t seen a Johnny-Jump-Up yet this spring, usually they bloom right after the swallows come back, and the swallows have been back for quite some time.

I could see the promise of wildflowers everywhere, and I know from the rain that we had here this year that it was going to be one of the most beautiful wildflower years that we have ever seen.

I looked up into the familiar starry sky, the sky that I often ponder, at peaceful times at night. The sky was velvety black with pin-prick bright stars. I looked around and picked out a few seasonal constellations. They were all exactly in the right place for this time of the year. The Moon was exactly were it belonged. I felt a little ironic smile pull across my face, and thought about: no matter how many things that have changed lately, the sky is much the same as it has been for millions of years.

As I arrived in heaven, I was amazed that God was there to meet me. The Pearly Gates, St. Peter, and judgment thing is all a myth. If you’ve been bad, you don’t even get to see heaven. I looked around and I didn’t see anyone. I thought about all of my family and my friends. I asked God, “where is everybody?”. He Answered that “nobody up here has the same beliefs, so I separate everybody, so there won’t be any disagreements”. In heaven, there is no chance of a disagreement.

I looked down at my body, because I remember that I wasn’t wearing much when I went to bed. I was in a brilliant white cotton robe, and it had a pure gold belt woven out of pure gold fibers the size of a silk thread. I thought about my wife, because she likes to spin and weave textiles. I couldn’t help but think of what it would be like for her to spin and weave with pure gold. I asked if I could see her. God told me no, that she had disagreed with me just yesterday and he had to send her to Hell, because she didn’t feel bad and she didn’t pray for forgiveness. I felt real bad, and I thought that maybe God might have been a little too harsh. I told him that she doesn’t know any better than to disagree with me. He said that’s why it’s in the bible that women are supposed to remain obedient.

I looked around me, everything was either white or gold, there were no people, just God. I thought about all of the organizations that I belong to, and all of the friends and relatives that I had back on earth. I thought about the Fire Department Barbeque is this Saturday. It would be the first one that I haven’t been to in 40 years. This Saturday is the fortieth annual. I thought about the fact that I was in heaven. I asked God, “do I get to fight fires up here or go on any medical rescues? The Rotary club expects to cure Polio this year, I’d like to see that. He said “No, nobody gets sick or needs help up here. If you wanted fire you should have gone the other way” He cast his eyes downward like he thought that “Hell” was a bad word.

I noticed that I had flowing long white hair, I felt real strange, I wondered: “Do you have to comb your hair in heaven?” It occurred to me that It’s been so long since I had hair that I have forgotten how. So, there I stood. Long white robe, and long white hair. God forgive me for my indiscretion. But, I felt just like a “hippie”. I hope all the hippies out there will forgive me. Maybe they will understand if they thought about how it would feel if someone thought of them as Redneck. Get my point?

I looked God in the eye and said: “I know that you and I have never really got along. I don’t really approve of some of the mean things that you do to the poor people on earth, and you seem to not care that you hurt people that don’t have it coming, and you let evil people that should not even be on the face of the earth continue to exist... Look, I feel really great that you thought I was good enough to ‘Rapture,’ but I could never be happy in Heaven, I miss all things on Earth, and if I promise to not be so darn good, can I just stay there?” At first he looked like he was going to say NO. But, like I say, we were looking eye to eye and I think that he saw the dampness of a tear forming on my bottom eye lid. For the first time since before time began, God felt human compassion and said “granted”.

I passed back down through the sky just as dawn was breaking, I don’t think that I’ve ever seen a more glorious morning. There is nothing like being home on Earth. I do hereby solemnly swear, that I will stop being so darn good, I almost ended up in heaven.

God’s honest truth!