Universal Refrigeration Care.

Universal Refrigeration Care.
Now that we almost have Universal Health Care out of the way, I think that it is time to broach the subject of Universal Refrigeration Care. The time is right! I know that not all the bugs have been ironed out of the health care plan yet, but if I wait, who knows, somebody else might come up with a bail-out plan for their own pet cause, and squeeze refrigeration care out of the picture. Those darn auto mechanics are always looking for ways to cash in, and the cash for clunkers deal seriously helped Japans economy. So, I'm not waiting. This is my plan:

As you know, some people live on the street and don't have access to cold beer. You've heard me say it before, but warm beer is the only thing that I accept as a true refrigeration emergency. If the ice-cream freezer fails, the ice-cream is already ruined. The most that you can do is make milkshakes. It will never be good ice-cream again. Fish can't be refrozen because it gets mushy. There is nothing yuckier than mushy fish. Milk spoils if it gets warm, and has to be thrown out. But beer... You can re-chill beer and everything is fine again. Yes... just crank up the polka music and life is good.

Destitute mothers can get free milk for their babies through the Mothers With Infant Children plan, but if they don't have anyplace to keep it cold, the milk could spoil. There should be no child out there without access to fresh cold milk. Think about it. Refrigeration is probably more important for the health of our nation than medical care.

Refrigerators should be made available to anyone. We could implement the plan just like “Cash For Clunkers”. That way, everybody could get new refrigeration, and we would be helping Brazil's economy at the same time, because most refrigeration is made in Brazil now. You could take any refrigerator in for a trade in, you could even pull one out of the dump. That way everybody could qualify. You would get $47.00 trade-in whether it worked or not. The only catch is, you would have to prove that you didn't steal it.

The very poor people that don't qualify for the new refrigerators, or can't afford them, could get one free from the utility companies as part of their energy saver program. All of the new refrigerators would have an American flag on them so you could feel patriotic. Or, if you aren't into flags, you could get one with my very own symbol on it. (My plan will be revealed later in the post) Over all, everybody could have a new refrigerator. I'm already feeling warm and fuzzy inside.

The cost to everybody would be less than $50.00 per person. But, everybody should be able to afford $50.00 dollars. After all we are the richest nation on the face of the Earth... Or, at least we were a few short years ago, and we are still coasting good, and there is still some “Fat of The Land” out there. We should tap into it now before Wall Street ships it all off to China.

Some refrigeration failures can be catastrophic, so we should all be able to take out Refrigeration insurance to cover those catastrophes. To make sure that those insurance companies treat us fairly, there should be a “Public Option” where anybody that chose to, could buy insurance from the government. The Government running a private business like an insurance provider shouldn't cost us much. Besides, the money we save by keeping our refrigeration in good running order should more that offset the additional costs.

Just to make sure that Refrigeration Care is implemented fairly. Anybody who doesn't agree to pay their share will be fined $250,00.00 or do a year in jail. That will discourage the slackers.

I don't know why I didn't think of this before. My dad always said that “if you can't beat them, join them, and beat them at their own game.” Dad was smart like that, but it takes me awhile to catch on. Now that I've thought of this, I can't wait to get started. First, I'll have to run for President. If elected, I promise everyone will have Universal Refrigeration Care. It's the only fair minded solution for poor refrigeration care!

I will need a slogan for my administration, but I will need something that will catch on. Any Ideas???