"Action Ernie" saves the day!

I came to work this morning about one cup low on coffee. I came in, turned on the lights, unlocked the shop doors, made some coffee, poured myself a cup and sat down at my desk. I turned on my computer to check the local blogs. I clicked on my blog first, because I find it to be the most interesting. It didn't take long because apparently nobody else finds it that interesting. Nobody had left a comment since Suzy Blah Blah at 6:08 last night. Alcoholism must be a dry subject (Pun) either you are one or you aren't.

So, I went over to Eric's place to check what he was up to. I had to chuckle a little bit, because he is not that happy with one of Obama's recent rulings. I took the time to needle him a little bit just to see if his wound was still open or if he had forgiven Obama yet. Then I went over to check Kym's Place to see what she was doing. She is smoking out posts (pun) about marijuana. Sheriff Allman is going to issue serial numbered zip ties to tell legal "215" plants from illegal ones, the ones with no ties. I don't know much about marijuana, so I made a comment about connecting the zip ties to the wristbands at the Reggae events. I get a real kick out of myself sometimes. I was thinking what a great morning that it was starting out to be. The sun was shining, and it was promising to be a warm day.

The coffee started kicking in, and it was time to go to work. I walked into the shop and turned on the radio. Just as I turned it on, I heard screaming outside. I turned the radio back off, because I couldn't believe my ears. Sure enough, I heard very loud, guttural, and very angry screaming. I slid the shop door open to hear better. The screaming was getting louder and more angry. I heard what sounded to me like a diesel pick-up truck roaring away, but the loud angry screaming was still happening. It sounded like a bunch of very angry females screaming about something. I couldn’t make out any words, and had no idea what had just happened. I looked for a pipe or something to use for a weapon, but found nothing, so I jumped off the porch and ran around to Church street were the screaming was coming from. As I rounded the corner with my heart in my mouth, I was prepared for anything, it was a obvious from the loud angry screaming that someone was in grave danger.

Have you ever heard of Primal Scream Therapy? Me neither... But, I can honestly say that the therapy is not that good for the unprepared. Primal Scream Therapy is something that the hippies have discovered to be therapeutic. (for Them) What you do is scream, and shout out all of your anger and rage, then you gently shove if away from you with your hands. As gently as you can to show your true gentle nature. Their gentle nature is not that apparent to the neighbors that they have just put on “Situation Red” terror alert.

Primal Scream Therapy is only to be used as a last resort. If the healing circle doesn‘t work, where you all squat in the dirt, and hold hands in a large circle. You hum until the “Chi” gets right. If that doesn’t work you can try accupuncture. If you are ever angry about something there is nothing much more theraputic that being poked with needles.

One of the effective ways to reduce your anger is by the use homeopathy. It’s not what you think that it is, it has nothing to do with gay rights. It is a medicinal dilution of sometimes ten to one, or sometimes one hundred to one. It’s medicine than takes what you want to get rid of and dilutes it, and takes it back in. Like if you want to give up salt? All you have to do is take a dilution of ten to one and drink it, and it will cure you of salt! So, you could make a dilution of anger and take it and it would calm you.

The other good thing to rid yourself of anger is “‘Holism” --"The tendency in nature to form wholes that are greater than the sum of the parts through creative evolution.”-- So if you're angry, it could be that your wholes are out of Chi, and you need to Feng Shui it until the universe is aliened with the stars. Hey, I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t know all that much about this Hippy Bullshit, but I can assure you that I know all about “Primal Scream” in the morning. As they walked away from the park I heard one of them say "God I love a good scream in the morning, it feels like victory!"

It would seem like that the number one rule with scream therapy should be to warn your neighbors. But hell, I just learned how really therapeutic scream therapy can be for the screamer. I know all of these ladies that were outside screaming on church street, so what I’m going to do, is not say a thing, but I’m just going to sneak up behind them and scream out my rage at the top of my lungs… I’m sure they will understand, and forgive me.

I talked to my wife about it, she said that I could call the cops about them disturbing the peace. I said that I thought that you could only disturb the peace at night. She looked disgusted, mumbled something about “men!” and walked off. Now what’s up with her?… I’d better not catch her out in the park screaming.