Friday, May 20, 2011

The end is near!

Tomorrow, Saturday, May 21st, 2011, is the beginning of the rapture. The rapture is where only the most devout of the most religious will qualify to go straight to heaven. The rest of us will have to linger here until October or something, while God sorts us out. "Okay you go to heaven... You go to 666." "Rapture will occur at 6 p.m. on Saturday, May 21, followed by the end of the world five months later on October 21, 2011."

I'm taking bets, I'm betting that the world doesn't end tomorrow. Only a fool would not take my bet, because if I'm wrong and the world ends, what do you have to loose? If you think that the world is ending, just write me a check, I will hold it until, say, a week from tomorrow. If the world is still here I will cash the check, and you will get to live another day. We should both be extremely happy. Right?

Some Christians are all upset with the doomsday sayers. They think that they are making Christianity look ridiculous... Ummmm. I hate to say this, but what if they are right, and the rest of you Christians are wrong. The doomsday sayers will get to go straight to heaven and you will have to go straight to... well... you know... that hot place.

After all, they are most passionate about their belief. They are obviously very good people, they were good enough to warn us, and here we are ignoring them. Aren't you at least a little bit nervous?

I understand that only a few people will get to go to heaven, you would have to be darn near perfect to get to go up there. Every day there are thousands of babies born. I hear that babies are already born as sinners. Something about original sin. So, we have a hand up on getting into heaven before the babies. I'm not sure that some people would feel good about kicking a baby out of heaven, just so they could have eternal rapture. Something about this whole rapture idea just doesn't feel fair to me. Where do people like me fit in? I tried to be religious, but I thought too hard about it, and if you think real hard some of the concept of religion falls apart.

Now, I don't want to seem too unbelieving. But, just make your checks out to me... and no fair stopping payment if we are still here Sunday.



omr said...

Yesterday, as I drove home, I espied a hitchhiker standing at the end of the four lane in Piercy where it turns back into two lanes. I pulled over and asked the guy if he wanted a ride to Garberville.
I recognized him as Ascension Michael, a man I had met some decades back at Mt. Shasta. Now Mt. Shastians have been into this Ascension thing for some eighty years or more, and Michael was really into it back when I knew him, channelling purple thoughts and more to raise his vibrations.
As I pulled away, he asked how far it was to Garberville, and I said 13 miles and he responded back... "I am going ...(dramatic pause)...beyond".

If the ascension had been at 6 AM,
I was going to get up early and leave some shoes, pants, and shirts arrayed on the sidewalks in town. Hard to pull it off for an evening "event".

charlie two crows said...

This surely can't be the end. My EX. Wife hasn't made her Hell Toll Booth uniform yet.

Eel River Ernie said...

Ernie, I posted this on Fred's Blog a few minutes ago before I saw your dire prediction - ERE

Fred, You were right! I write this as I float gently on a never-ending river in my drift boat surrounded by 72 virgins (this was a surprise) catching a virtual steelhead or salmon on every cast. Oh wait a minute, the alarm clock just went off and it looks like any other day in Humboldt... darn! ERE

Ernie Branscomb said...

Dang, I'm still here. I guess that I wasn't one of the chosen few.

I'd bet that the people in Iceland had reason to pause and wonder today when the volcano under their glacier blew up. The prophecy says that there will be earthquakes and the world will shake apart.

charlie two crows said...

Ernie! X-wife is still here!

Anonymous said...

Heaven on Earth..There may only be a few of us left...just sayin' Can't predict the end... that's what it says in the Bible!!

suzy blah blah said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
suzy blah blah said...

Aw, gee, as spiritually minded as I am, Suzy knew it wasn't gonna happen. Cuz I've learned --if you're gonna believe in something ... first make sure that it can --pass the hammer test

spyrock said...

dove has a friend named nanelk who made up a song about the rapture from the indian point of view. it basically goes.
"i'm waiting for the rapture.
when all the christians rise up to heaven,
they will leave the mother to the people and me."