Friday, October 3, 2008

New Idea???

They were up in arms and aghast!

I was just reading about a cave that they found in France that has ancient primitive writing on the wall. The writing was probably done by Neanderthals. After years of study they have found that this group of cave dwellers made many references to pointy sticks. They had discovered that the hunters in the valley had made many, and numerous, various and sundry, pointy-sticks.

They had big fat long sticks that they used to kill Mastodons. They had real long ones that they used to kill Saber Toothed Tigers. They had nice light weight ones that they used to kill deer. Then they had short ones that they used to kill bear if attacked. They even had sticks that they used to shoot into the air with a stick and string bowed to it to kill birds.

According to the writing on the wall. This group of people that lived there were trying to get pointy sticks banned. They had discovered that many of the primitive men had violent upbringing, and when engaged in animated repartee they had a tendency to grab their pointy sticks and stick their disagreeable opponent through the heart. The group reasoned that if there were no pointy sticks that the people could not poke each other through the hearts.

The group started by making it harder to get sticks. That way, if a person wanted to kill somebody, that person would have to get permission from the chief of the cave group to carve a pointy stick. That is, if the Chief decided it was okay, the applicant would have to wait one Moon before he could carve himself a pointy stick.

Soon the group became so angry with all of the rules regulations that they started hoarding and hiding pointy sticks. The smarter ones started hiding a short pointy stick under their fur lined shorts in such a fashion that no one knew it was there. That outraged the cave dwellers and they immediately had a ban placed on concealed pointy sticks. The only way that you could pack a pointy stick in your shorts was to apply for a “Concealed Pointy Stick” permit. (CPS permit) You had to pack a piece of skin with the Chiefs mark on it to show that you had passed all of the skill tests in how to kill somebody safely. And you had give the “Cave Scribble” the right to scribble your name on the wall, telling everybody that you had a weapon concealed in your shorts.

Strangely, the Neanderthals disappeared, and their caves were taken over by Homo Sapiens. It was easy to tell when the Homo Sapiens moved in, because the cave writing started making reference to “flint” pointy stick warheads. The Sapiens claimed the flint points were weapons of mass destruction, and there was no logical need to tip a pointy stick with a flint warhead! They reasoned that it would be far to easy, with a sharpened point, to poke multiple antagonists through the heart before they could make their salient points. So they went to the Chief to see if they could get a ban on assault weapons. They reasoned that would solve the problem, because nobody has the right to kill that many people at once.

This story continues on and on, but you will just get bored. The story is much the same throughout history, so I’ll just leave it here.

According to my good friend Jim Baker, I have to tell you that, although true, this story was made up in it’s entirety in my imagination, and has no provable content, and it can be considered as complete “Bullshistory”. Time will tell, won’t it?

8 comments:

EkoVox said...

Pretty accurate premonition of contemporary times, I believe.

beachcomber said...

Where did cave man put bumpersticker that says "Pointy sticks do not kill Neanderthals....Neanderthals kill Neanderthals....

telling everybody that you had a weapon concealed in your shorts.
Is that a pointy stick in your loin cloth or are you just happy to see me? Doesn't really have the same ring to it....

Ernie Branscomb said...

How about, you can have my pointy stick when you pry my cold dead fingers from it?

Anonymous said...

As I recall, you said you planned on writing a book someday. I assume it will be about the history of the Eel River folks.
I think in the meantime you should start a novel. You paint a good picture with your words.

Oregon

Ernie Branscomb said...

That sounds like a great idea Oregon! I could paint an impressionist writers view of the Eel River Canyon. I could become the Claude Monet of writing. It might take a while to figure out what I said, but well worth the study.

Jim said...

Homo sapiens built Stonehenge. Recent digs indicate it was built and rebuilt as a place of healing, because of the belief that "blue stones," transported 100 miles away, in Wales, were supposed to have healing properties.

In a grave nearby Stonehenge, the body of a man was found, believed to have been buried 4,000 years ago, who had been shot at least five different times with modified "pointy sticks" that had arrowheads on them. He was shot from several different angles and shot again while he lay on the ground dying.

What it seems to indicate is this: medical care was not universally available. Not just anyone could walk in to the Stonehenge clinic for a check-up. Armed guards saw that you had to have an appointment and, probably, insurance. If you didn't, they made your medical condition quickly deteriorate.

People came from as far away as the Alps, having had to cross the English Channel, often in extremely poor health, to be cured. Their graves, so near to Stonehenge, seem to indicate that the blue stones' curative properties, though highly valued, were not working very well.

It took hundreds of years before the people realized this and turned Stonehenge into a solar observatory, flashy, but not of much health benefit either.

Many medical advances are being made today, because of the Iraq and Afghanistan wars. These will be, and have been, passed on to the civilian population.

This will come in handy because we have from 17,000 to 20,000 murders in the US every years, comparable to deaths, per capita, than in Iraq. And there isn't a stick in sight.

War injuries and murders got Stonehenge built. War injuries are now resulting in growing new fingers, and prosthetics that work as well or better than the real appendages.

The bottom line is, if we don't fight, we might lose our health benefits. And if we pull out of Iraq, we ought to pull out of the U.S., too, because there are wars going on here that are killing just as many people.

suzy blah blah said...

"before they could make their salient points" --LOL!

Jim said...

OFF TOPIC:
Ernie,
Here's a great Internet radio station:

http://www.live365.com/stations/torgen_magnusson