Thursday, June 19, 2008

How do you know if you belong on this blog…

You know you belong on this blog…

1- If you’ve ever ended a sentence with three dots because it was just to confusing to continue…
2- If you’ve ever started a sentence with a conjunction. And, even worse, you don’t know what a conjunction is. But, you write real good anyway.
3- If you’ve ever used a preposition to end a sentence with. This is the place you belong at.
4- If you never split an infinitive. You don't belong here. To boldly split infinitives is a goal on this blog. So you might need to unquestioningly know what an infinitive is, to gloriously know the true joy it can be to mercilessly spilt them.
5-If you know a lot of damn good expletives, they are also important to have, they fit-in damn near everywhere and they make short, dumb, sentences longer, and a hell of a lot more interesting.
6- If you know what a “loaner” (not in dictionary) is, but don’t know how to use “pedantic” (in dictionary) in a sentence, this is your blog.
7- You belong on this blog if you don’t like to ridicule people, or have them ridicule you.
8- You belong here if some of the best conversations that you ever had was while sitting in the dirt comfortably leaning back against a tree, or sitting at a picnic table with people just like you all around.
9- If yu cun reed thes sentanse, yu rite gud enuf to sey sumpthin! This is how I rite with spillcheck off.
10-If you have a memory, or a question, or you want to talk about your dog or your car, this is the place.
11- Mostly I want to hear YOUR stories, I’ve heard all of mine. So, if you think of something, it really doesn’t have to have anything to do with what we are talking about, just dive in!


Language doesn’t count here, communication does. If you are afraid someone will think that you are not too smart because you have poor writing skills, I need to tell you that some of the most interesting stories that I’ve ever heard in my life were from people that didn’t even know how to write. Some of the smartest people that I ever knew were people skilled in things other than writing. I’m eternally grateful to those people for some of the things that I know that nobody else knows.


Besides, I judge people’s intelligence by how well I think they could build a refrigerator. Otherwise known as RQ. (Refigerator Quotient) So if you are not somewhere on this scale, your ability to correct my English really doesn’t score many points with me!.


RQ Rating:
70-You can wipe your forehead with a wet cloth.
80- You can build an air-conditioner.
90- You can build an ice cooled box.
100- You can build a refrigerator.
110- you can build a freezer.
120- You can build a walk-in cooler.
130- You can build a walk-in freezer and the drain works.
140- You can build a complete supermarket.
150- You can build a supermarket, and even know what the engineer designed wrong,
160- You can explain why you are too busy to fix a refrigerator while you are really playing on your blog.


So, tell your stories. I want to hear them. "The three R's" really can stand for Reading, Writing, and Arithmatic on this blog.

18 comments:

Ernie Branscomb said...

Pg&e is shutting our power off tonite at 9:00 pm. It will be off until 10:00 AM Tomorrow. Something about rewiring our substation.

Just in case anybody wonders where I went.

lodgepole said...

Hey Ernie, I'm driving through Branscomb tomorrow[!] for the first time. Got any tips on what to look for? I'm looking forward to the drive, I love seeing new country. I recollect you mentioning something about mudsprings. Anyhow, much appreciated.

EkoVox said...

I have a suggestion, Lodgepole. After you get past the area known as Branscomb, keep going....no, keep going...Ok, see how the road goes up and up and up....right at the top on your left is a great old house....stop and admire it...then, go down and down and down and imagine what this road would have been like with a logging truck every 1/2 mile greeting you.....now, keep driving.....you've hit the beach? Great...you still have to travel up over Highway 1 to get to Leggett.

Really, it's a a great loop drive. I highly recommend it. It's really not that far from home.

Oh, and Ernie, I really need to write about historical events again, don't I. I liked the airplane post.

Lodgepole, will we see you in September at the picnic?

lodgepole said...

Eko, alright, I'll be looking for that great house on the top of the hill on the left. I can already hear the kids now...."Are we to that great house on the top of the hill on the left yet?" Of course I'll reply with something like "Any minute now, shall we sing a song?"

Also Eko, yeah, please keep the history coming.

As far as the picnic in September, I hope to see you there, circumstances permitting. It would be an honor.

Ernie Branscomb said...

Lodgepole, Don't blink, you'll miss it.

The only thing to see in town is the store, if it's open it's a "don't miss".

The mill's been closed for a few months now so I don't know what's happening, but the trip over the hill is a nice trip. Go slow, stay on your own side of the road, and let the idiots go by.

Ernie Branscomb said...

They lied about the power being out tonight. I think that it must have had something to do wih the thunder storm that we are having.

There will probably be a few lightning fires in the morning.

Eel River Ernie said...

Ernie – thanks for giving me license and a forum to write about stuff that has been gathering cobwebs in my mind for years, your and Eko’s blogs are great! I haven’t been much of a participant the past two months for a lot of reasons such as: startingtoresidethehouse, electioncommitteework, findingbugs, killingbugs, daughterinlawcollegegraduationHSU, findingleakinroof, granddaughtercollegegraduationSSU, cookingforRotarypresidentsnight, grandsonseigthgradegraduation, grandsonshighschoolgraduaionSACTO, fixingleakandputtingnewroofon, continuingtoresidehouse, findingcolorschemeforhouse and this week I took time out to go sturgeon fishing on the Columbia River at Astoria, OR. Yesterday was spent processing a hundred pounds of sturgeon fillets for smoking.

The next few weeks should see me finish the details on the house and be on the water once again pursuing the wily summer steelhead, half-pounders and the ever endangered King Salmon along with whatever is biting. I will keep you posted, no pun intended - ERE

EkoVox said...

Wait a dang minute, ERE, I thought you were retired? It sounds to me like you are working fulltime, again.

I like the adage, "8 hours of fishing beats 8 hours of working"

Robin Shelley said...

Lodegpole,
The road from Laytonville through Branscomb to the coast is one of the prettiest drives you'll ever take, in my opinion. Paved all the way now so it gets more use than it used to. Watch out for motor homes & trailer this time of year! It's probably too late for you to get this but, by all means, stop at the store & check out the post office, too. There's a trailer park right across the road & just to the east of that is the school. The Harwood Products office is an old school. Nice area, Branscomb... just not much there.
I miss it & I never thought I would say that!

gb05 said...

Gee, I thought you'd never ask for my favorite true story:

While I didn't grow up in Humboldt, my little Midwestern village was rural enough then (and it still is). For kids between 10 and 13 years old in the 1950s our summer-time entertainment was swimming (skinny-dipping) in the river. This was a real river about 50 feet wide and at least 10 feet deep all summer long. Our favorite swimming hole was on the upstream side of a railroad bridge. The bridge served as both our diving board and outhouse - now you know why we swam upstream of the bridge. Anyway, the fun part of this place was the mud at the bottom of the river. When jumping feet-first off the bridge at track-level eight feet up, your legs would sink a foot or more into the muddy bottom. It was a shock the first time you did it, having to struggle to free yourself. Diving in head-first was the next level to overcome, but everybody eventually did it. The top of the bridge structure was another eight feet above the river, so the ultimate thrill was jumping off the top into the river. Some guys did it regulary but I did it only once because it was really hard to free yourself from the mud. As for diving off the top, I never saw anybody try it. Oh yes, standard operating procedure for jumping was to cover your nose with one hand and hold the jewels with the other. A great memory.

EkoVox said...

Ahem, not one of you mentioned the casino in Branscomb. Lodgepole, spend the day at the casino and skip the drive to Westport. The out of doors is over-rated. You see one country drive, you've seen them all. I'm telling you, the casino is where it's at.

Ben said...

Ernie, I thought I could use the word pedantic in a sentence but when I try, I just can't do it. Wait, I just did it. OK, now I get it. Meet you at the Branscomb Casino.

Anonymous said...

My experience with refrigeration amounts to getting the heck SHOCKED out of me while tightening some conduit at Mendes store. I just did what Ernie told me to do but that 220 said I was doing something wrong. I can make ice in my freezer and that is about as far as I can go with refridgeration.

If Ernie is so smart why doesn't he add a spell check on here for me.

I just got home from Redding, CA. and have been down there since Friday. The reason I bring this up is I ran into a guy that told me a great story that, and like it or not, I am passing it on to this blog.

This guy was telling me that someone he knew quite well told him this tale from long time ago. It so happens that this Pilot wanted to adjust his altimeter so being on the coast he flew down to the serf and when the spray got the landing gear wet the Pilot said "that should do it". Then this Pilot proceded to Fort Bragg and flew under the Noyo Bridge. From there the Pilot and a guy named Goodman (passenger)went back to Laytonville, landed in a field and stacked manzanida brush around the plane and left it for a few days in case somebody was looking for a plane with wet landing gear.

I don't care what you say, that is a great story.

Oregon

Ernie Branscomb said...

Just as long as they are good stories.

I told you not to worry about spelling. Just like in horseshoes close counts, it just doesn't count as much as a ringer.

I do EVERTHING in my word processor, then I cut and paste it into whatever I'm doing. The biggest reason that I do it that way is not spelling, but so I don't lose anything.

Ernie Branscomb said...

I meant ever(Y)thing. The reason that I have “the close counts” rule is mostly for me!.

EkoVox said...

Ok, I have to confess. The only experiece I have with refrigeration repair is one summer when I was around 17 and I was defrosting our freezer with a hammer and screwdriver. Yep, PSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHSSSSSSSHHhhhhhhhhhhhh. Freon, everywhere. Had to pitch in and buy a new refrigerator. I learned my lesson, well.

beachcomber said...

Ernie...you made me go and look up "pedantic" in the Wiktionary but I don't believe the definition is exactly correct. How did I do?

Ernie Branscomb said...

Beachcomer, you are a regular whiz, and pedantically inspired. Now you can forget that you ever knew it, because there are better words for good conversations. Those are words that lawyers use to obstruct comprehension to the point that you have to hire them to tell what they said.

But, I have to admit that there are some darn fine words out there that add to the wit of a conversation! I’ll stoop to using them every now and then, as long as everyone can twig the meaning of what is said. Got it?