Saturday, September 17, 2011

Random thoughts about marriage.

A couple of friends of mine asked the rhetorical question: "Should we get married?" Question like that really concern me because the answers have the potential implications of phrases like "until death do us part". Anything with a death vow should be taken seriously! Before I was married, I had a lot of trouble deciding how to make a proposition not sound like a proposal. Apparently they sound very much alike.

I was 25 when my second wife and I started dating. Now, 25 is relatively young, in the scale of marriage and stuff like that. Big things are being considered, like children, education, business careers, where to build a house, and other major considerations. Being partners in ALL things is a big step. Older people don't have to consider building a life together, because for the most part, they will both have their own separate lives, already be educated, and already having satisfying careers. There is not much that will change with marriage. Maybe I'm being to pragmatic about "love" issues. I understand that is one of my "faults".

When Janis "and I" decided it was time to meet her folks, who lived in San Jose, we drove down for the weekend. Janis warned me on the way down that her family was a very traditional Mormon family. I started wondering, what is a "traditional Mormon?" We got to her folks place in the afternoon, so the evening meal was already being prepared. When it came time to sit at the table to eat, I was wise enough to know that there would probably be a "Blessing". I was right, we all bowed our heads and heard her fathers very fervent blessing. I have no problem with that. Even though I'm not religious, I honor other peoples beliefs, and indeed, I enjoy the tradition, and it gives me time to consider all the things in my "real" life that I'm grateful for.

After the blessing I noticed that all of the food on the table was placed in front of her father. He served each person in his own order. I was honored to be the first person served. It was because I was the guest in his house. The next was Janis's mother. Then Janis, who was older than her sister, then her sister, then her brother. And, of course, her dad served himself last. I wisely watched Janis to see what she did, then I watched the men to see what they did. After everybody started eating, and it looked like the blessing had chased away any pestilence from the food, I started to eat. It seemed to go pretty well, but it was obvious to me, that the man of the house was providing the food for the family table. I left the table a little hungry, because I was a young, working, country boy at the time, with a big appetite. I was proud of myself for just getting through dinner without calling down the wrath of God upon myself for some unnamed and unforgivable food sin.

Separate bedrooms that night, of course, I was also thankful for that.

The next morning, I was silently congratulating myself for staying quite and not doing anything wrong. We were called to the breakfast table where her dad had already put cornflakes in our bowls. They looked delicious, I was still hungry from the night before. Blessing? Yep! We had the breakfast prayers and started to eat. Her dad noticed that there was no milk, he said "Oh milk!" He jumped up and went to the kitchen and poured a big glass of milk. He sat the milk in front of me and sat back down. I thought that Janis must have told her father about my love for a large glass of cold milk with my meals. Being very honored, I lifted the milk to my lips and took a nice deep drink. The milk was very tasty, and very welcome, especially if all that I was getting for breakfast was a small bowl of cereal. I sat the milk back down appreciatively. As I looked around the table, every eye was on me. Her father said "the milk was for our cereal..."

It gets worse... That was the last of the milk. Everybody agonized as to "what to do.. oh, woe is us". I said, rather quietly, that when I ran out of milk at home, I would open a can of canned milk, then mix it half and half with water, it makes a reasonable substitute for milk. They had a can of milk, and I was semi-redeemed. Janis raved about how much she liked canned milk... that's when I knew that I loved her.

The only advice that I have for my friends is, don't marry anybody with parents!


Anonymous said...

This is really funny,,, I could say so much on this subject but won't.


charlie two crows said...

Tell your friends “NO”
Ernie, If you weren't married in the Temple. You weren't invited back for dinner!
If the truth were known, Ernie's really first consular to the local mormon bishop.
Wait! Ernie doesn't believe in God. Isn't that called Jack mormon?

charlie two crows said...

Tell your friends “NO”
Ernie, If you weren't married in the Temple. You weren't invited back for dinner!
If the truth were known, Ernie's really first consular to the local mormon bishop.
Wait! Ernie doesn't believe in God. Isn't that called Jack mormon?

C2c said...

Its doubling again

Ernie Branscomb said...

Charlie, that's God Smiting you for mocking me.

I thought a Jack Mormon was one that believes in everything, but they just don't follow the doctrine. said...

Ernie, that last line was laugh out loud priceless!

C2c said...

Ernie the Jack..Tuouchee`

Ross Sherburn said...

I married my Wife because Her Dad was a Mechanic for Crane Mills/Logging in Paskenta,back in the Fifties. With our similar back grounds,I figured the marriage would work out. It did!!!!
Our son now has a son. The inlaws live in Flournoy,now we are related to most of the people that live in Flournoy.
Took about a hunderd years for our family to get from Covelo to Flournoy!!! LOL!

Ross Rowley said...

Like your friends in your posts, what's funny is my girlfriend and I were having the same discussion about the idea of marriage. Both of us also have no desire to get married and see no reason for it. Now, if we were trying to raise a family and were younger than we are, that might be an option.

Does marriage hold much weight for people like us? We're not connected with any religious doctrines, aren't having kids and getting mail with the same last name means nothing to us. So, why?

Plus, my mother is still alive.

charlie two crows said...

I was married two and a half times. Ha Ha !
The half: after the wadding she tells me she is still having sex with her X husband and not to worry! Its Just Business! I tore up the papers. Now that's a funny story. And true! Peace*

Guy d'unce Cownseller said...

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. ~Rita Rudner

Marriage, n. A community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all two. ~Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary, 1911

Marriage is a book of which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters in prose. ~Beverley Nichols

Never feel remorse for what you have thought about your wife; she has thought much worse things about you. ~Jean Rostand, Le Mariage, 1927

Three rings of marriage are the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering. ~Author Unknown

A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished. ~Zsa Zsa Gabor

Bigamy is having one husband or wife too many. Monogamy is the same. ~Oscar Wilde

Spouse: someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single. ~Author Unknown

Like good wine, marriage gets better with age - once you learn to keep a cork in it. ~Gene Perret

A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married. ~H.L. Mencken

A wedding is just like a funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers. ~Grace Hansen

Why do married men gain weight while bachelors don't? Bachelors go to the refrigerator, see nothing they want, then go to bed. Married guys go to the bed, see nothing they want, then go to the refrigerator. ~Author Unknown

I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late at night. ~Marie Corelli

Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight. ~Samuel Lichtenberg

Any married man should forget his mistakes - no use two people remembering the same thing. ~Duane Dewel

Robin Shelley said...

The paternal side of my family is Mormon... it's the reason they came to this country. My grandmother always referred to herself as "Jack Mormon" & her kids were not raised as LDS. My 2G grandfather was survived by this wife, this wife, this wife & that wife after having had just one wife for many years. He entered into plural marriage after her death... you guys can have fun with that, I'm sure!

Ernie Branscomb said...

I won't be having fun with your grandfather’s plural marriage thing, nor will I be judging it. There are many factors to what people did in history.

I have something to say about the Warren Jeffs of recent history though. One of the things that I have against religion is the mind control that is exercised. Especially over women. On the surface it seems like everybody is a willing participant, but they start the brainwashing at a very young age. Marrying young women at the age of twelve is nothing less than perversion.

It’s a very deep subject, much deeper that can be revealed in a comment. One of the worse things about these powerful men marrying more that their share of women, is that it forces many young men to do without the joy of having a loving wife. (I know that it doesn’t always work out that way). Plus there is no way that any of the multiple wives can have a normal relationship with only one man.

I always seem to identify with the down-trodden. For instance I never wanted to go to war. I never saw myself as some great hero that would have came home with a chest full of metals. Quite the opposite. I always felt that I would have come home in a box. Just as Warren Jeffs has many wives, I see myself as one of the men that would have been left without a wife. With all it’s trials and tribulations, I enjoy marriage… To one wife.

Robin Shelley said...

Warren Jeffs is a pedophile. There are plenty others like him.
My g-grandfather's wives were middleaged & he was old. One divorced him. That's all I know about his marriages. Surprisingly to me, he is also the only ancestor I know of who had multiple wives although I think it's a different story with some of the females. One was married to one of Brigham Young's sons. It gets very, very confusing trying to sort all that out!

Ross Sherburn said...

Good call,Ernie!!!
I can't "mind control" my wife,She is about ten times smarter than I am!

Ross Rowley said...

Hey Ernie, you're a star!

Robin Shelley said...

Mostly, I was thinking about how many parents some of those LDS kids had & what it must've been like for one of them to bring home a beau... ha!

spyrock said...

wow, that was a great rotary video. really inspiring.