Sunday, November 8, 2009

Universal Refrigeration Care.



Universal Refrigeration Care.
Now that we almost have Universal Health Care out of the way, I think that it is time to broach the subject of Universal Refrigeration Care. The time is right! I know that not all the bugs have been ironed out of the health care plan yet, but if I wait, who knows, somebody else might come up with a bail-out plan for their own pet cause, and squeeze refrigeration care out of the picture. Those darn auto mechanics are always looking for ways to cash in, and the cash for clunkers deal seriously helped Japans economy. So, I'm not waiting. This is my plan:


As you know, some people live on the street and don't have access to cold beer. You've heard me say it before, but warm beer is the only thing that I accept as a true refrigeration emergency. If the ice-cream freezer fails, the ice-cream is already ruined. The most that you can do is make milkshakes. It will never be good ice-cream again. Fish can't be refrozen because it gets mushy. There is nothing yuckier than mushy fish. Milk spoils if it gets warm, and has to be thrown out. But beer... You can re-chill beer and everything is fine again. Yes... just crank up the polka music and life is good.


Destitute mothers can get free milk for their babies through the Mothers With Infant Children plan, but if they don't have anyplace to keep it cold, the milk could spoil. There should be no child out there without access to fresh cold milk. Think about it. Refrigeration is probably more important for the health of our nation than medical care.


Refrigerators should be made available to anyone. We could implement the plan just like “Cash For Clunkers”. That way, everybody could get new refrigeration, and we would be helping Brazil's economy at the same time, because most refrigeration is made in Brazil now. You could take any refrigerator in for a trade in, you could even pull one out of the dump. That way everybody could qualify. You would get $47.00 trade-in whether it worked or not. The only catch is, you would have to prove that you didn't steal it.


The very poor people that don't qualify for the new refrigerators, or can't afford them, could get one free from the utility companies as part of their energy saver program. All of the new refrigerators would have an American flag on them so you could feel patriotic. Or, if you aren't into flags, you could get one with my very own symbol on it. (My plan will be revealed later in the post) Over all, everybody could have a new refrigerator. I'm already feeling warm and fuzzy inside.


The cost to everybody would be less than $50.00 per person. But, everybody should be able to afford $50.00 dollars. After all we are the richest nation on the face of the Earth... Or, at least we were a few short years ago, and we are still coasting good, and there is still some “Fat of The Land” out there. We should tap into it now before Wall Street ships it all off to China.


Some refrigeration failures can be catastrophic, so we should all be able to take out Refrigeration insurance to cover those catastrophes. To make sure that those insurance companies treat us fairly, there should be a “Public Option” where anybody that chose to, could buy insurance from the government. The Government running a private business like an insurance provider shouldn't cost us much. Besides, the money we save by keeping our refrigeration in good running order should more that offset the additional costs.


Just to make sure that Refrigeration Care is implemented fairly. Anybody who doesn't agree to pay their share will be fined $250,00.00 or do a year in jail. That will discourage the slackers.


I don't know why I didn't think of this before. My dad always said that “if you can't beat them, join them, and beat them at their own game.” Dad was smart like that, but it takes me awhile to catch on. Now that I've thought of this, I can't wait to get started. First, I'll have to run for President. If elected, I promise everyone will have Universal Refrigeration Care. It's the only fair minded solution for poor refrigeration care!


I will need a slogan for my administration, but I will need something that will catch on. Any Ideas???

21 comments:

Anonymous said...

How about "Stay Cool" or "Be cool."

Or "Yes You Can or We Will Make You."

Oregon

Anonymous said...

I got it for you Ernie.

"Hope and Change Refrigeration."

Oregon

Ernie Branscomb said...

I was thinking; to sell the idea in Humboldt county, I could say "A Refrigerator in every pot" or "Pot in every refrigerator".
Just sayin'

David Kirby said...

REEFER FOR ALL!!! .....or is it refer? Take the chill to capital hill.....Obama for Amana

Dave Kirby said...

Dare to care with Fridgidaire!!!

Anonymous said...

I give up. I can see I am outclessed in the name game. Hope to see more idea's.

Oregon

Dave Kirby said...

You've made some hotpoints here Ern but folks maytag you as a tax and spend guy and after all the stimulus money already spent kenmore really be justified? Stay frosty!

Anonymous said...

"Refridgerators should be availably to anyone."

If this is so, who gets to control the temperture of the cooling unit? Will the user ( owner ) have a thermostat control or will it be controlled from a central location somewhere else in the USA?

Oregon

Ernie Branscomb said...

Actually, the temperature has to be controlled from a central location to keep people from abusing the free cooling.

There will have to be a "death squad" to decide when your refrigerator can be fixed, or it whether has to be send the recycler. No free rides.

Rose said...

I'm holding out for Maseratis for everyone. It's only fair you know. Some people get the thrill of a high quality automobile, why shouldn't we all. The system is so broken, dontcha know?

Anonymous said...

Yes Ernie, because refrigerators are just like people and the medical system. .............

Stupid old bastard.

Different Anonymous said...

Anonymous, that was just rude and mean. And you give us anonymi a bad name.
If you really had to take seriously Ernie's musing and felt like insulting him, send him an email in person.

Anonymous said...

Yeah anon, I agree with 6:10 pm.

Ernie is NOT old. Your only old when you can't get around anymore.
So there!!

Oregon

Anonymous said...

Hey Ernie, I've got an idea. I'm going to run for president on this thing I've dreamed up called MediCare.

See, old people are sick (often with mental disorders) so why don't we just provide them all free medical care? Instant base of support right?

I mean, that way old people can sit at home on their computer and write shitty stories about things that used to go on, but don't anymore. Or they could dream up analogous stories that are so full of shit, it would be like people trying to connect refrigerator maintenance issues, to medical care issues.

Or maybe the old people should just die?

Anonymous said...

If we get socailized health care and I don't pay for it and I don't pay the fine for not participating then I guess I will have to go to jail where I will have free health care and my milk will be refridgerated to boot.
COOL BEANS!!

Oregon

Ernie Branscomb said...

I would have replied earlier but I'm still laughing at "Anon the Wise 5:12"

"Old bastard" readily applies to me. But “stupid”? Hardly!

I already have health care, as do the people that work for my wife and I. We pay for the insurance. I will be on social security in less than a year, and shortly after that I will be on medicare. I won't be paying for universal heathcare. YOU WILL, STUPID! Who's stupid now? The health care plan that you want so bad will be paid for by YOU, Get it? Stupid.

I am just totally happy that you want so badly to pay for me in my old age. You will pay for me, that is, if you have a legitimate job that pays taxes. You're not one of those young people that grows dope and doesn't pay a dime are you? If you are, you certainly don't have room to advocate universal health care and not be in the system to pay for it. But, if you are a legitimate young working person... Thank-you, thank-you, thank-you! You will be paying for me the rest of my life.

I've got more bad news for for you. I took my medical insurance, that I pay for, at least for one more year, then you will pay for it. I took my insurance and I went to the Doctor. He said that he has never seen anybody so healthy for my age, but because I have such good insurance, my doctor decided that he should send me in for a cardiac stress test and heart evaluation. Bad news FOR YOU, he said that my heart is in perfect shape and there is no reason that I shouldn't live to be a hundred. Phew!!!... I only have one more year to pay, then the rest of my happy healthy life will be on YOU!

Wait a minute, I'll Be right back. I just got struck with a fit of the giggles, just thinking about the dumb young bastard wanting so bad to pay my health care.
But, I always said that something good should be spread around. If free refrigeration care passses I'm planing on adding a “Sunset Clause” were I won't have to pay for that after age sixty-five either. I'm kinda' hoping that Rose can get her Maserati also. I'm hoping that she Is one of the “Stupid old bastards” also. So you can pay for that too.

Kids aren't getting any smarter. It's time to cash in on the young idiots.

Ernie Branscomb said...

Actually the refrigerator story is just a cheeky little story with no real meaning. Simply humor, and I'm sure that I didn't change anyones mind about how they feel about healthcare. Lighten up anon. I certainly wouldn't wish you dead over a ridiculous story.

Anonymous said...

You do represent your generation well Ernie. But trust me, a hothead like you won't live much longer on account of the spiking blood pressure.

And when you go, the sack of shit stories you've been peddling will go with you.

Ernie Branscomb said...

"the sack of shit stories you've been peddling will go with you."

Now.. that is sad!

ROSS SHERBURN said...

i've been laying low lately,just reading your BLOG from time to time now! but that one COMMENT was uncalled for!!!

Anonymous said...

Ernie, I was thinking that anon 7:38 must be one of those people that want to live on the backs of other people work. Ya'know, the spread the wealth around thing.
"stupid old bastard", wow I didn't think you were any of those. Does this person know something I don't?
Anyway, I am on social socurity, I call it free money and I like it. I guess it isn't really free when I've worked mostly 3500 hours a year most of my life but enjoying it now.
The good thing is, when you retire you might have time to write lots more great post's on your blog.

Oregon