Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Alcoholism Cured!!!

Alcoholism Cured... And guess what, it's a pill that you can take, and viola, you're cured. Just when I was really starting to get into the alcoholism thing, they find a cure. Damn.

Next thing that you know they will find a cure for Marijuana. Can sex be far behind? All kidding aside, I am no longer going to feel sorry for the people that claim that they just can't give up alcohol. Nope! Not gonna believe that anymore. Now all of you hopeless alcoholics are just like me. You drink because you enjoy it, and you will have to admit it. You can no longer get by with claiming that you have to drink because it's in your genetic make-up. I'm not gonna believe that you just don't have the willpower. I'm not gonna believe that it's an illness. All of those arguments are out the window. Now you are going to have to admit that you are a hopeless drunk, and you will no longer get the sympathy that you so pathetically crave.

I haven't been so happy since they invented "Rogane for Men". Now I'm not only bald by choice, I am drunk by choice, and all that I have to do to become sober is take one of those magic little pills!

When you come home from work and claim that you need a drink. Instead of your wife meeting you at the door in her nightie and handing you a double martini. She will have her overcoat on and she will be telling you, "Just take your pill, loser! You just aren't any fun any more!" Yep! Thank God they've cured alcoholism!

The new Anti-alcoholism pill is called "Naltrexone" if you don't like pills, they have the injectable cure for alcoholism called "Vivitrol". The cure for alcoholism is brought to you by those friendly folks that brought you Vicodin, Prozac, Viagra, and others.
"There will be a 'Prozac moment,' " (Dr.)Willenbring says, "when primary care doctors start handling functional alcoholics."

As an inveterate alcohol fan I see the flaw in their plan…. All of those other drugs are fun!!! Naltrexone promise to be no fun at all. What’s up with that? Hell, even the stoners get to call their weed “Medicine”. So why do we alcoholics have to give up all our fun?

But, I think that I see another flaw in their plan, and I see my way out. The cure is apparently only for “Functional Alcoholics”. I’m Totally non-functional!!!


19 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hey Ernie, is it just me or does your picture show a little red cross for everyone?

Chris Crawford said...

Naltrexone has been on the market for quite some time. What it does is negate the inebriation (cancels the high). Either Naltrexone or a similar product has been used effectively for obituates.

It doesn't actually "cure" alcoholism, but if you drink and don't get high, what's the point? Does the taste of beer alone justify its consumption? For most people I doubt it.

I worked in the past with several groups trying to add Naltrexone treatment to habitual drink driving sentences as a way to avoid prison.

Anonymous said...

Just too, too funny Ern, LOL. You crack me up!
Cousin

suzy blah blah said...

LMAO! really really funny post Ernie, --yr a master

suzy blah blah said...

master

Ben said...

Y'know Ernie, I had a hell of a good time back when I was drinking. the only problem is that I can't remember much of it. After awhile, alcohol ceased to work as a way to have fun pr even to relax. It was a truly miserable existence and I wound up in AA. Still going all these years later and I love it. Saved my life and probably other lives as well as I drove drunk often. I was really, really lucky.
I do believe addiction is a disease and the idea that a drug might cure it surely does not disprove the idea. Do you remember Antibuse? It was the answer to alcoholism. Take a pill and if you drank you would turn bright red and think you were dying. Many alcoholics were required by the courts to take it with supervision every day. It was discovered that many of those still drank. They were so addicted that they would put up with extreme physical discomfort to drink. I actually knew some of these people and none are still living. They were obsessed and I'm sure you knew some of them as well. The idea with Naltrexone is that it "cures" the obsession to drink. It won't kill you to drink but the practicing alcoholic will have a choice. I have not read that it allows one to drink sanely but if you do you won't get high. It prevents the production of endorphins, those little feel good molecules we love so much. But, and this is a biiiig but, with this treatment nothing will be fun. Not just alcohol but everything else you enjoy. That is the reason the treatment has utterly failed in the past and it is not new.
in low doses, Naltrexone (Google: low dose naltrexone) is very useful as it produces an endorphin rebound and it can be a remarkable assist to health as well as mood. It has been shown that low doses increase the production of natural killer cells which attack all kinds of bad stuff in your body. It is a prescription drug even in low doses.
I don't have the slightest problem with folks who like to drink as long as they are not coming my way at night on the Briceland Road. I show my grandchildren the dents my head made in the dance floor at the Riverwood Inn. I don't do that anymore and I still have fun. It's a miracle.

spyrock said...

where's the riverwood inn? dents in the dance floor. now that's something to look for.

Ernie Branscomb said...

Ben, I hoped that everyone would realize that this post was just all in good fun. I fully understand the heartache of alcoholism. You may or may not realize this, but I was raised in a Honky-Tonk Logger bar. I've seen the damage that alcohol can do to a person.

The rest of this comment is rated “horrible” if you have a weak stomache, go away. I’ve lost my sensitivity, and don’t know how some things Medical might affect other people.

To see the depth that an alcoholic will lower themselves is a lesson that I will never forget. Even though I often joke about drinking, I am in no-way addicted to alcohol, and I can promise you I never will be. I have a real aversion to being drunk and on the road, flying out of control and/ or maiming other innocent people. I have seen bloody barroom brawls. I have seen alcoholics drink until they fall off the barstool and split their heads open, and pool blood across the floor, while all their drunk friends try to decide if he is alive or dead, or try to decide who is the most sober, and can drive him to the hospital. Strangely all drunks think that they are sober enough to be the hero if necessary.

I’m sure that you also know that I am a fireman, and for some odd reason all firefighters are cross trained to do medical. Medical calls would not have been my first choice, but I liked firefighting, so I’ve been to more drunk accidents than I can even relate to you. On almost every call that I’ve been on, that involved a drunk driver, they all have the same story. I had to drive because: I was the most sober, I had to get home, I had to pick up my wife…. I had to drive, I had to drive, I had to drive. Enter what ever story that you want, they ALL had to drive. In their fouled-up minds they all thought that they never had a choice.

I was to the scene of one accident where there were eight people in the cab of a crew-cab pick-up truck, all of them in various stages of inebriation. They were headed home from the bar. The driver got into a slap fight with another guy in the front seat, lost control, went over the rip-rap and ended up partially submerged in the river. Four people died, two died in the truck, one was thrown out and was under the front bumper face up with his head just under water. One guy made it to an shallow spot in the river where he was laying face down and died from internal injuries. The remaining people, we had to stabilize and strap to backboards, place in litters and hoist up the bank. In their drunkenness they fought everything that we had to do. They didn’t even seem to realize that four of their friends had just been killed.

Bystanders and people that stopped to help were throwing up when they realized the horror of the accident, but the four remaining drunks were still fighting us while we were trying to help them. We had one firefighter that was on the call that didn’t sleep for a week because his brother was killed by a drunk driver, and it brought back his trauma, because he was at his brothers death.

Sadly, this is not an isolated event. Read the papers… Drunk after drunk after drunk gets behind the wheel, and driving isn’t the only mistakes in judgment that a drunk makes.

AND.. I’ve had close friends and relatives that have shortened their lives from alcoholism, I reserve the right to not give details about my family and friends. But, we all have family and friends that are leading diminished (maybe ruined) lives because of one kind of and addiction or another.

Ben, I’m sorry that you had a problem with alcohol, but can’t imagine that anyone that has seen the things that I’ve seen would have an alcohol problem. I enjoy one beer in the evening when I have nothing else to do. Sometimes I forget, or sometimes dinner is ready before I get around to it. I think that the amounts that I use could be considered “Medicinal”. I enjoy having a drink with friends, but I never get carried away. All I have to do is remember what alcohol is, and I can easily back away.

I have no sympathy for “Alcoholics”. As you well know, the only person that can save themselves from alcoholism is looking at him in the mirror every morning. Tough love!

Indie said...

Chris, what's an obituate?

Ernie, I love the image of your wife meeting you at the door in her nightie, martini in hand. :)

Gruesome description of the accident scene. Wow. I've never seen anything like that, thank God, but I sure have seen some sad and wasted lives.

Blogking said...

Alcoholism is the new death wish…..thats all I have to say. we need to offer a hand to those in need of help. Help by helping others, not by ignoring the pain…


http://www.recoveryconnection.org /?utm_source=blog&utm_medium=pv&utm_content=zs&utm_campaign=home

Chris Crawford said...

I meant opiate, not obituate.

Ernie Branscomb said...

"I meant opiate, not obituate."Now that's funny! I knew exactly what he meant. An "obituate" is a new designer drug that is a cross between an opiate and a barbiturate.

Some of you are not old enough to remember Alexander Haig, but he made up a lot of words. If he didn't have the word he wanted he just made one up mid-sentence.

I always understood what he was talking about while all of the English majors got lost huffing and puffing about "Not a word".

Some of my sentences are like that! No wonder that Suzy Blah Blah makes perfect sence to me.

Anonymous said...

Anon 3:23

No red x photos here. All I get is a box with a square, circle and triangle colored blue, green and red.

Oregon.

Ben said...

Ernie... I did realize you were joking and a responder as well and thanks for all your work. What bothers me about this "new drug" is that it is almost certainly a product promotion of the company producing the injectable form. It might work for a few but only a few. "No side effects", right, just no more sense of well being. Lately, drug companies have outstripped armament manufacturers in the corporate evil department. They have lost interest in drugs that heal and are looking for the chronic drug that has to be used every day. That's where the money is.

Ernie Branscomb said...

“we need to offer a hand to those in need of help. Help by helping others, not by ignoring the pain…”Been there, done that, too many times. The stories that I could tell you would curl your hair and curdle your milk. My mind is whirling with loser stories right now. One person that we tried to “help” robbed our store, another left the country and left his four dogs locked in his trailer. Oh hell, there are too many stories. I have come to the conclusion that I don’t need them in my life or business.

I will tell you the story about a gentleman that applied for a job with me. He started by saying that he was a ex-alcoholic. He went on to start telling me about his qualification, when I stopped him. I told him to come and see me when he was clean and sober for five years. It pissed him off so bad that he vowed that he WOULD come and see me in five years. He said that throughout his recovery that he had thought of his rejection many times. He lived for the day that he would be clean and sober for five years and he would come to me and say “ I made it, and FUCK-YOU”.

After five years time his anger mellowed a bit, but he did come in the store and tell me that I delivered the slap on the face that he needed to realize that his “problem” was his and his alone, and he was the only one that could deal with it. Now ever time he sees me he waves and smiles.

“Help” comes in many forms.

suzy blah blah said...

:) Suzy went to Blogkings link and there is an "alchoholism test" there and no matter how you answer the questions the result is the same --that you have "signs of alchoholism" and should contact them immediately --LOL!

Jessica said...

Living sober after alcoholism treatments and drug rehabilitation can be daunting, but it is necessary to live a healthy life again.

Jessica said...

Successful drug and alcoholism intervention strategies can help your family members and loved ones struggling with addiction.

Jaz said...

Without alcoholism treatment, these problems can often go undiagnosed; most alcoholics don’t ever seek treatment until they wind up in some major problem involving severe health problems or problems with the law. Some patients may also hide pertinent information regarding their problem with alcohol because of shame or a fear of stigmatization.