Sunday, July 27, 2008

What is the point of a chain letter? ? ?

We've all gotten them.

Most of the E-mails that I get anymore are the kind that tells some heartwarming story about how God is kind to us, or how rough our troops have it compared to us. I agree that they do. My beef is not with them. I honor America's soldiers as much as anyone. I even enjoy some of the oddball stories that people e-mail me.

What I just don't get is why that I have to forward them to at least five or ten other people or I will go bald... Well that explains how I got bald, but it doesn't explain why anyone should hate me enough to make me turn bald just because I didn't forward their stupid e-mail. But, the joke’s on them I kinda like being bald. Whenever Someone tells a bald joke, my wife gets very protective, and she feels like she has to make it up to me for being picked on. I can even make my lower lip quiver if she looks sympathetic enough.

I've gotten e-mails that have told me to that I should forward them to at least twenty-five people. If I followed their instructions, my computer would show me something remarkable, something that I've never seen before. I've never done that, so I don't know what it would do. I'm not sure that I have twenty-five people in my e-mail address book, so I would have to add some. So, if you want to be one of the lucky ones to see your computer do something fantastic, just leave your e-mail address in the comments below, and I will forward you a bunch of these good luck charms.

I got an e-mail from my ex-wife the other day. It was a bad luck e-mail that had numerous testimonies about how some foolish people had not forwarded it, and all kinds of bad luck had befallen them. Everything from their dog dying, to their daughter getting pregnant by the neighbor kid that they hate. One whole family was actually killed on a plane that crashed. So I really worried about that one, I don’t need anymore bad luck. But, it did tell me something about my ex-wife. She always said that we have been wonderful friends since we got divorced, and our daughter never suffered at all. If she is so happy, why is she sending me bad luck e-mails??? It just goes to show you that there is no such thing as a forgiving woman!

Myself, I’ve always treated her very nicely, BUT as you recall, I‘ve always said “a grudge worth having is worth holding”. In the back of my sick evil mind, I’ve always thought that some day I would have the chance to get even. Get even so subtlety that she wouldn't even know it, and it wouldn’t hurt her at all, but I could spend the rest of my life gloating and knowing that I got even. Vengeance would be mine! But, she nailed me first with the evil e-mail thing. Damn she’s good!

So, if anybody out there knows why people send these chain e-mails, and what ever purpose they might have, you might let me know otherwise I’m going to forward my ex-wife’s e-mail to you.

Please forward this to as many blogsites as you can, and you will become gloriously wealthy. (I’m feeling generous)

P.S. I was going to embed "Fleetwood Macs, Never Break the Chain", but it was to darn long on the leadup and I got bored, so being that I'm in a good mood I'm not going to do that to you!

14 comments:

Kym said...

Ernie,

Are you channeling George Carlin? I'm still laughing. My son is laughing! Probably your evil ex-wife is laughing.

The Boy Most Likely to ... said...

In honor of your post, I downloaded The Chain from the net.

My brothers, of all people, forward me those same chain letters. I can hear their laughter in my mind as I try to sort out the chains from the funny and good e-mails.

What makes it worse is that they each send me the SAME chain!!!

I think my sisters in AZ are the source for my brothers, and then I get them.

I can still hear you saying we wold never break the chain!

-boy

Anonymous said...

Now you make me laugh Ernie. I don't expect you to know what I am saying here, but, I used to work at a place that had a sland twin bandmill and was a SOB to align. It was only a 21-1/2° slant but made my life hell. I always swore if I could find the engineer that came up with this design I would introduce him to my ex wife.

Oregon

Ernie Branscomb said...

Who was it that said "in order to be good comedy, it has to have an element of truth" ?

I think it was George Carlin.

EkoVox said...

Hey....did everyone else get the huge check from my new friends in Nigeria? This stuff really works!

Ernie Branscomb said...

Nope, I sent them the postage. I thought that it was a little expensive, but they said that they had to deliver that much money in person, and they also had to hire body guards. I already signed the papers on a new house and car, so I hope that they hurry!

But, the fact that you got yours is very encouraging

Eel River Ernie said...

Darn you Ernie, it’s always something new to get me going into the new week. Just to bone up on chain letters I Googled up Snopes and here is what I found http://www.snopes.com/luck/chain.asp a very interesting discussion of the history and various types of chain letters.

In regard to going bald (as a result of not forwarding a chain letter) there are two schools of thought, one is that as your brain expands with the knowledge of the ages it tends to push the hair follicles, which are directly attached to your brain, outward and since there is no longer room for the roots the hair falls out. Of course the other school of thought is that as you grow older and dumber your brain shrinks and since your hair roots are directly attached they suck up inside never to be seen again…

Although I didn’t get a check from Eko’s friends in Nigeria I am expecting somewhat smaller checks from various other sources after sending in box tops, beer tabs, etc…

Ernie Branscomb said...

Eel River Ernie sent me this link, it is an interesting discussion about chain letters. Snopes, Chain Letters

And for those that are interested in some darn fine music and have the patients to listen to a long lead-in; Wait I found a better version! here is fleetwood Mac, "Never break the chain"

The Boy Most Likely to ... said...

An Aside: Ernie I am going to send the Compulsive Proofreader over here to your Blog.

Carsen Park Ranger????

-boy

Ernie Branscomb said...

Boy
Ha, ha, ha…. No proofreading allowed… This is the blog without the rules, (I stole that from KHUM)

I have established my immunity against "correctness". Read the top line on my blog-site, where it say’s “Language has never been about correctness, it has always been about communicating”.

Otherwise, I wouldn’t be able to say ANYTHING. My verbiage has been described as, “strained”, “strange”, “crippled, etcetera. However, people keep coming back for more.

I know that I’m just not good at the English language, but I go by the same rules that Shakespeare did (There weren’t any rules in Shakespeare’s day)

Carol said...

Has anyone else received this one? It is a real beaut.
Dear Sir/Madam,
With a very desperate need for assistance, I have summed up courage to contact you. I am from (will disclose this later), presently working in Iraq with an international organization that I will also disclose later, I found your contact particulars in an address journal.I am seeking your assistance to evacuate the sum of (US$18.523 Million Dollars) Eighteen Million, five Hundred And Twenty Three Thousand US Dollars to your country or any other safe country of your choice, as far as I can be assured that my share will be safe in your care until I complete my service here,this is no stolen money,and there are no dangers involved.
SOURCE OF MONEY:
Some money in various currencies was discovered concealed in barrels with piles of weapons and ammunitions at a location near one of Saddam,s old palaces during a rescue operation, and it was agreed by all party present that the money be shared amongst us, this was quite an illegal thing to do, but I tell you what? no compensation can make up for the risks we have taken with our lives in this hell hole The above figure was given to me as my share, and to conceal this kind of money became a problem for me, so with the help of a German contact working here, and his office enjoys some immunity, I was able to get the package out to a safe cation entirely out of trouble spot.
He does not know the real contents of the package,and believes that it belongs to an Asian/American who died in an air raid, and before giving up, trusted me to hand over the package to his business associate. I have now found a secured way of getting the package out to a safer country for you to pick up, and will discuss this with you when I am sure that you are willing to assist me.One passionate appeal I will make to you is not to discuss this matter with a third party, should you have reasons to reject this offer, please destroy this mail as any leakage of this information will be too bad for us.I do not know for how long we will remain here, and I have survived 2 suicide bomb attacks by the special grace of God, this and other reasons I will mention later has prompted me to reach out for help, I honestly want this matter to be resolved immediately.
and kindly fill up this requirements like:
Your full name:
Your country:
Contact phone number:
Age:
Occupation:
I await your urgent reply
Regards,
Charles W.Phillips

Carol said...

Gee, I hope they don't get hurt. Is this blog considered a 3rd party?

Ernie Branscomb said...

Yes indeed Carol. That e-mail is legit! Both Ekovox and I have cashed in on it and have made millions!

Don't hesitate to send them all of your personal information. They will ask for a few hundred thousand for handling fees and then the rest will be yours. It sounds almost too good to be true. But before you send them any money your should ask for the advice of you tax consultant, because you are about to become incredibly rich!

You are so lucky, only four or five million people a day get that offer.

Anonymous said...

I received that mail too and wondered, what would I do with all that money? Most likely just spend it so I passed.

Oregon